Trauma
by elitemassacre6
Summary: When Rachel gets into an accident, Santana realizes she is the singer's emergency contact.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is a semi-prompt from PezberryLuvr who asked me to publish one of the stories from out of my comp books. she asked for a story from book 2. This is the first chapter of that story.

Her brow furrowed ever tighter as she stood in the threshold of the door watching the girl's chest rise and fall evenly. She'd never seen her so pale before. She was usually so tan. Santana remembered thinking that a couple weeks ago when she'd seen the shorter girl at the Lima bean. A green tea frappe and a pair of Ray Bans in her small hands. That trademark smile had spread across her cheeks when she'd locked eyes with her.

The Latina singer also remembered cursing her eyes for immediately locking onto long, toned, bared legs, capped off at the top by unbelievably short shorts. They must've hated her, her eyes, because they were drawn to a long neck that dipped down to meet an elegant collarbone and even lover, to very visible cleavage. Maybe that body was why Rachel was always so confident.

Now though, unconscious on a hospital bed, Rachel was so pale, too pale. It scared her, honestly. Santana walked closer to the bed, cringing when she saw a long jagged lengthwise scar on the brunette's left wrist.

"God, Rachel...what happened?" She turned quick when someone walked in the door behind her.

"There was a car accident. Ms. Berry was hit by a drunk driver. That scar you see is a result of the crash. She lost quite alot of blood. We were lucky she's type AB." Santana grimaced. She should have been here...somehow. Not at home moping over her best friend.

"But she's okay now? There was no internal trauma, no cranial damage?" The doctor shook his head.

"That makes sense now, your name being Lopez. You're Christian's daughter." The doctor extended his hand, but when Santana looked at him like he was insane, he brought his hand to his head.

"Sorry...Yea, she's okay. We'll need to keep her overnight, you know how that goes. Ms. Berry is obviously an intelligent young woman. She had her seat belt on. I can barely get my son to even think about it." The doctor said, keeping his eyes on the monitor as he pulled the tube from Rachel's throat. Santana yelled at him to be really careful with that.

"Thanks. Sorry for yelling. Her voice is just really important to her." She watched as Rachel's breathing evened out again, brushing her hair away from her eyes with a hesitant hand. When the doctor left, she went behind him and out to the desk.

"Hi, what can I do to help you?"

"Hey. I'm Santana Lopez, can you page Dr. Lopez for me? And I need a cot, blanket, and pillow. I'll take all the stuff that needs to be filled out and the patients belongings too."

Twenty minutes later, Santana was just finished with the first few pages of the pages clipped to the board in her hands when she heard the door opening. Her dad walked in, looking more than a little tired. It was a little strange. He worked late nights and Santana knew he was always tired when he got home, but the two of them always spent a couple hours together when he got home. Her dad always tried to pretend he wasn't dying to fall into his bed and close his eyes for a few days.

"Tana? Oh, hey mija." Christian leaned down and pressed a scratchy kiss against her forehead. He seriously needed to shave.

"Hola papi." She stood to hug her dad and looked over to a still peacefully sleeping Rachel.

"So what happened, Santi?" He flipped open the chart, speed reading through the information before he looked down at her again.

"Papi this is Rachel. She's a friend from school. We're in glee club together. I just wanted you to check it out before you went home. Her chart? So I can stop worrying. She's really okay, right?" The latina wasn't completely stupid. She was aware that calling her dad down just to reassure her that Rachel was, in fact, completely okay was probably overkill.

"Her iron's a little low."

"She's a vegan, daddy." Santana rolled her eyes. She knew him too well. The two of them were all they had.

"Why don't they understand, they need the nutrients..." She rolled her eyes again.

"She's taking supplements. It should be fine, papi. She's okay?" She grabbed the chart from his hands as gently as she could, flipping through the pages quickly as she read only what she needed to.

"Yea, baby girl. She's good. Are you?" He put the chart back where it belonged and wrapped his arms around her, dropping a familiar and comforting kiss against the top of her head.

"Doctor Ellison?...said it was a drunk driver." Her dad nodded his head, a grim look in his eyes. "Azimio" was all he said.

Her eyes went wide and anger surged up in her, but before she could ask anything, a tiny, croaking, but still very much recognizable voice spoke up.

"San...Santana?"

She whirled around , wide eyes locking with coffee hued orbs that had just struggled to find her face. She grabbed the water next to the bed and pushed the button to raise the bed a bit so the girl was sitting up. She stuck the straw between chapped but still full lips.

"Shh. Don't talk, just drink a little bit, okay?" The only indication that Rachel could understand was the sound of suction through the straw. Santana cupped the girl's face with her palm an brushed away mussed up hair before setting down the water after a few moments of no suction.

She took the tie off her wrist and pulled the brunette's locks into a loose ponytail.

"San-"

The taller of the two placed her forefinger over those lips to get the singer to stop trying to speak. Santana reached back into her pocket and came out with a tube of lip chap she had bought for Sam, She ripped apart the plastic and pulled off the cap. The latina twisted the dial and puckered up her lips at Rachel until she did the same. Once the lip chap was even over the other girl's lips she set it aside.

"Don't speak Rach. Nod if you're hungry." Santana looked down, flipped Rachel's hands palm up, and caressed her palm with her fingers. All the while frowning and furrowing her brow at the five inch cut now stitched up on the singer's left wrist. The Latina pushed the nurse button when she saw the girl nod.

"How can I help you?"

"Can we get a bowl of broth please? Has to be vegan."

"You got it. It'll be a few minutes Santana."

Absorbed in Rachel, the taller girl didn't notice her father watching her closely. He walked up next her and spoke.

"If you're okay, mija, i'm gonna go home and change my clothes, bring you some, and I'll stay with you, okay?" She shook her head, smiling up at him.

"It's okay, daddy. you've been here for like fourteen hours, go home. I'm fine. I'll take care of Rachel." She said, her hands still linked with the ones that were trying to go back to their normal shade of tan. He smiled warmly at her. As if there was ever any doubt in his mind.

"I know you will, baby girl." He turned and left, a nurse walking in behind him. She set down the broth on the table and left. Santana laid the cloth napkin on Rachel's lap before grabbing the spoon to feed the girl.

When she screwed her mouth shut tight and shook her head, reaching for the spoon with her right hand, the taller of the two gently pushed her hand away.

"Open you mouth _now_ Rachel." She said softly. The shorter brunette frowned, but did as instructed and opened her mouth.

...

She'd been done eating for about fifteen minutes when Santana reached in her bag and grabbed a pen and empty college ruled comp. book. She laid them both on the singer's lap.

'Why am I here? What happened Santana? Why do I have this scar on my wrist? So that was your dad? He's really nice. But so are you, though. I guess it's a family thing.'

Santana laughed loudly before she gently took the pen from Rachel. Writing back and forth like this could be really fun.

'You never change. One question at a time, yea?' She handed the pen and paper back, Rachel writing something quick.

'Answer them one at a time' She nodded okay.

'You're here because there was an accident. A car accident.' She watched those eyes go wide with some combination of disbelief, shock, and belated fear.

'You were hit by a drunk driver.'

'Some part of the car bent back and cut you pretty bad. Really bad. So, that's why you have those stitches.'Rachel looked down at her arm, running her fingers along the stitched up cut covered by fresh gauze that'd been changed not an hour ago.

'Yea, that's my Dad. He's an ER surgeon. You can call him Chris. He'll say that when you see him again...when I take you home with me tomorrow.' Santana didn't look up, afraid to see the no in Rachel's eyes. She refused to let her stay at home alone for two weeks until her dad's were back home from Fiji.

"Seeing you like that...hooked up to an IV with those stitches in your arm...so fucking pale... I just realized that if things had gone differently, that I would've never seen that stupid smile or hear your voice again. But you're okay, and I'm gonna do what I do keep it that way." Rachel flipped the book, the word 'yea' appearing between her fingers, a grin on her slightly less pale face.

"Okay." She said, her voice husky with disuse.

"You tired?" Rachel nodded, shy smile on her face.

"Papi talked to your dads, told them everything was okay. They'll be back next Sunday. apparently they know each other." She put the napkin and spoon from Rachel's dinner on the wheeled table, and pushed it to the wall, about to get up to get in her cot.

"No, stay Tana." Rachel hugged her tight, keeping her on the bed. She lifted the blanket and Santana crawled under.

"This is a bad idea..."

"Why" Rachel asked, intertwining their legs and placing her head on the taller girls chest. Her hand splayed out over twitching abs, the singer's nails scraping over soft skin over hard muscle.

"That gown you're wearing has no back and you're already starting to grope me." Rachel grinned a little, her full bottom lip between her teeth.

"You would take advantage of a girl who's just been in an accident?"

"Shorty, I think we both know it's you who's taking advantage of me." The future actress mocked disbelief, her hand over her mouth.

"I wouldn't take advantage of anyone. Even you. Besides...i'm still not entirely well."

"Yea. I hate that I had to walk in here and see you that...weak. It broke my heart."

"I know you're probably wondering why you're my emergency contact."

"Naw. I'm just glad you're good. If you hadn't been, i'd have had to go and fuck up Azimio and some doctor." Rachel smiled at the other girl's protectiveness,watching as she dug into her purse. She pulled out her phone and pushed play on the album that had already been playing. Imogen Heap's Headlock streamed streamed through the small speakers.

"I broke up with Finn, so he wasn't an option. And, as you know, my adoring fathers are away in Fiji on a vacation I had to force them to take for their own good. I thought should something happen, I should have an emergency contact who was here in Lima."

"And how'd that lead you to me?"

"Well you're the only gleek who isn't even refusing to look at me after Finn essentially physically assaulted me in front of the Nationals crowd and I thought that since we've been spending a little time together for the last couple months that you wouldnt mind. I didn't think anything would actually happen."

"But it did." Santana said, she ran a brush threw Rachel's hair, the tie back around her arm.

"Yes, Tana, obviously. Now what were you saying about Azimio?"

"My dad mentioned his name when I mentioned the guy who hit you. I don't know any details." She squeezed the brunette's hand, more than happy the accident hadn't cost her more than it had.

"But he's alive?:

"Yea. For now, until I get my hands on him."

"No, Santana. No more violence okay. Besides, as far as I'm concerned, those hands belong around me, not around his neck. Speaking of that, we should get to sleep. Do you have a playlist for that? I have one of my own. I've aptly named it twilight tunes."

"I thought we talked about you resting your voice or something along those lines. Yea, i've got a playlist. I'll put it on, and then we should definitely get some sleep. They should be coming to send you home around eight or so. G'night, Rachel." Santana got up from her chair and pushed the wheeled table over to the wall, slipping back in the small bed behind Rachel to wrap her in her arms. Tomorrow, she thought, she'd get Rachel set up at her house.

It was funny really, that it took her getting hurt for Santana to realize how much she would miss Rachel if she was gone. How much she cared about her. Maybe, once she was feeling better she would ask her out on the date she'd been mentally planning since the beginning of the summer.


	2. Chapter 2

Rachel was awake and filling out the rest of the medical questionnaires when Santana's father Christian walked in, smiling and bearing gifts in the form of coffee. He handed Rachel a soy chai latte, grinning when she seemed confused over him knowing her order.

"My daughter talks about 'her Rachel' far more than anyone but you will ever get her to admit. It's adorable, honestly. She adores you. That much is very obvious." Santana shuffled around, finally waking.

"Papi! Stop it! You're totally embarrassing me on purpose." She whined, child-like pout on her face. She seemed to have forgotten about it as soon as she noticed the coffee.

"That ones for me right? I know you don't like to work on caffeine." He nodded, placing kisses against both their foreheads as he sat down. Rachel grinned at the attention, it seemed her route towards a good relationship with her in-law was already on it's way.

"You have no reason to be embarrassed around me, Santana. Besides, he has yet to say anything I hadn't figured out on my own." Santana's father laughed heartily before he stood, clapping his hands.

"Ok, time to get you and mi Santi out of here. You're good to go, Rachel. I've got to get back on shift, but Santana will drive you both to the house. I brought clothes and what not, here." He handed over a small duffle bag, taking the completed paper work from the smaller girl.

"I'll see both of you later on today, I should be home in time if you girls would like for us to have dinner together?" Rachel nodded excitedly.

-san/rach-

Half an hour later, the girls walked into Santana's room, dropping Rachel's stuff on the floor. They'd just come from the petite girl's house to grab stuff for the next two weeks.

Rachel looked around the purple room until her eyes landed on a big black sectional couch that she sat down on. she ran her hand over the soft fabric and raised her eyebrow at Santana.

"It's recycled cotton. I got to pick when we redecorated, and it seemed like a good idea at the time." Rachel grinned. Perhaps she was having a positive impact on the people around her.

"That's admirable of you, San. I'm really hungry...What about you?"

"I'd rather lay in the bed and kiss you for awhile." She half-joked, grabbing her keys from the ring by the door and holding her hand out for her (hopefully) future girlfriend.

"Where are we going?" She asked, following her anyway.

"Whole Foods. We need to stock up on vegan stuff for us 4 the next couple weeks." They walked into the garage, hitting the button on the wall to open the door and then sliding into Santana's car.

"Wait, for us?"

"Yep. I'll eat what you eat. I've been pretty curious about it. But my dad always says that you miss nutrients and vitamins and what not when you eat that way." Santana reached across the middle of the car, slipping her fingers between Rachel's and smiling at her when they hit a light.

"I understand his concern. I researched for months before i made the decision. But I take suppliments to replace what I don't gain through normal means."

"I know, I told him about the suppliments."

"You _do_ listen to me." She squeezed the fingers between her own grinning in her happiness about it.

"_Of course_ I do, baby. Always."

Once the fridge was stocked with Rachel-friendly foods and Santana had been told about why spicy tuna rolls were evil because of the over fishing of blue-fin tuna, the girls walked towards the living room after Rachel had demanded to wash the lunch dishes.

"What do you feel like doing, babe?"

The shorter girl lay completely back into Santana who was holding her from behind while they relaxed on the couch. kissing the Latina's knuckles and threading their fingers together afterward. "What would you being doing right now if I wasn't here?"

"Wishing you were here and kicking ass and taking names playing BF3." She pointed towards the ps3 in front of her, hooked up the fifty plus inch television.

"You play battlefield?" A smile played across her lips.

"Yea. Got two copies. One for down here, one for in my room on the other Playstation. You play?" Rachel nodded and closed her eyes. If she was honest she was still really tired. She'd been in a nearly-fatal car accident twelve hours ago. Her running around like she was fine, like she wasn't tired; it wasn't making it anymore true than it already was. Which was not at all.

"Could we play together later on? Honestly, San I'm a little tired and...I don't know I guess I'm still a little..." She felt a little like maybe she was falling apart. The tears wouldn't stop their trails down her cheeks despite her willing them too.

"Hey, _baby_ it's fine, you're fine." Santana reached down, wiping her tears away and placing soft kisses where they'd been.

"The nurse...the nurse said that if they had gotten to me two minutes later I would've been dead from the blood loss. That I was lucky. I didn't want to...is it wrong of me to not want to hear that?" Santana sighed. She should have known this would happen. Her behavior had been similar after she'd survived the car crash that her mother hadn't. She reached down under Rachel's legs, sweeping her up carefully and bridal style. Slowly climbing the stairs that led to her room, she gently laid Rachel down on her bed.

"Okay, Rach. You can rest now. Do you want me to stay with you? Do you want me to go?" She pressed a thoughtful kiss against the singer's salty lips, comforting them both.

"No, don't...San please don't leave me alone." She hiccuped and sobbed simultaneously, her heart beating faster than it probably should.

"I won't, Rachel. I won't ever leave you alone like this." She slid under cool sheets behind her, pulling the other brunette closer with the arms she'd wrapped around her. The singer calmed, breathing deep to clear her head.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, babe. Relax and rest. When you wake up, I'll still be here, I promise. We'll eat lunch, then play some battlefield. For now, just close your eyes.

"I love you, Santana." She'd turned to face her as she said it, staring into coffee-dark eyes.

"I love you too, baby. So much. But shh. Sleep." Santana pulled her closer, their limbs tangled together as their eyes closed.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I know, I should totally be working on lifelines. Had a little trouble figuring out a great date for Rach to take Quinn on, but I've got an idea now, so expect that pretty soon.

When Santana awoke, it was twenty after six and she sat up, looking over at a still slumbering Rachel. She was worried about her honestly. She knew how strange it felt to realize you'd been seconds from death. It'd been worse for her though. She'd been only eleven, so that on top of her overwhelming survivors guilt was hard to deal with. Eventually her father made her understand that she needed to talk to someone. It had taken a year before she finally understood that she shouldn't feel guilty for surviving. That in fact, it was what her mother would have honestly wanted. In a lot of ways, even with the help of the shrink she still saw, she wrestled with it to this day.

She carefully disentangled herself from Rachel and stood, walking out her bedroom door and downstairs to the kitchen. Washing her hands, she thought for a second about what they should eat. She pulled vegetables together from the counter and the fridge, and noodles from the cabinet. she was till new to this whole vegan cooking thing, so she figured a peanut sauced stir fry was the safe way to go.

Half an hour later, she was done, and cleaned up everything quickly before hopping up the stairs to wake her brunette, sighing when she saw the frown on her sleeping face. Slowly sitting next to her, Santana brushed her hair out of her eyes and placed a simple kiss against her lips, whispering to wake her.

"Rach, wake up, baby. Wake up." Brown eyes gazed up at her and she smiled.

"Hi. How long was I asleep? Is your father home? We have to make dinner." She spoke a little hoarsly as she sat up and slipped out of the bed. Santana hugged her close.

"He should be walking in the door in the next few minutes, and dinner's done, don't worry. Want to set the table?" The shorter girl nodded, and walked behind Santana as they descended the stairs. Rachel set the table and Santana poured glasses of the ice tea just as her dad walked in the front door. He kissed her on the forehead as she put servings on plates to put on the table which Rachel seemed to be finished setting.

"Smells good, mija. You made this?" She nodded, grinning over at the brunette who was leaning against the island and smiling at them both.

"Okay, let me go have a quick shower and I'll be right back down for dinner, girls." Rachel watched him go, now molded into Santana's side.

"Won't his food get cold?"

"No. He seriously comes home and takes the quickest showers of all time. He'll literally be back in three minutes. Are you feeling better, babe?"

"Yes. Thank you. I don't know why I just...I couldn't keep it together. I'm still not exactly okay. I think it may be a good idea for me to go talk to someone again."

"Again?" Santana asked as her father came downstairs in a pair of shorts and a tank top. They all sat down and dug in.

"Yes. When I started during sophomore year, it was because of the whole Shelby thing. Finally finding my mother, just to find out what kind of person she was, and for her to basically say she wanted _nothing_ to do with me. It kind of had me feeling like I'd been ripped apart for a long time. I was...It wasn't good. Together with that and the way I was treated at school, I started to wonder why I ever thought she'd want me in the first place. It seemed to me, at the time, that no one else wanted me around, so I rationalized it that way. I'm okay now, though. I worked through it and stopped seeing my psychiatrist months ago."

Santana wanted to hurt everyone who had made Rachel feel that way, including herself. She had no excuses that could explain away why she'd treated the smaller girl like that. If you'd asked her nine months ago what she thought about Rachel, she would have probably said some not exactly nice things. It had taken time for her to let go of the lies she'd always told herself and everyone but her father concerning Rachel. Realizing how much of a negative impact all of it had on the singer, she wished she had realized far earlier.

"I'm sorry, babe. For hurting you. I lied to myself, to you, to everyone who wasn't mi papi, and I apologize for any part I had in causing you to hurt yourself emotionally or otherwise." Rachel reached up and slid her fingers in between Santana's, smiling at her a bit sadly. Across from the girls, Christian smiled. It was amazing how much Rachel had changed his daughter both directly and indirectly. She'd helped to turn his little Santi back into the happy, loving, sweet girl she'd been before her mother's death, before everything fell apart for the both of them.

Two hours later, after dinner and a movie together, Christian was at the sink, loading dishes into the washer, while both girls climbed the stairs together. They lay down on the bed, limbs all tangled together.

"How did you know about...that I had hurt myself?"

"I told you that hospital gown didn't really close in the back. In the middle of the night, I got up to go to the bathroom, and when I came back you weren't exactly covered. I saw them on the inside of your thighs. Barely noticeable and fading, but I saw them. I cried for an hour before I got back in bed with you. I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault, all of it." Rachel frowned, she didn't know how to make her feel better, to make the tears that were already falling from dark eyes disappear. In honest fact some of them _had_ been a direct result of things Santana had said or done to her. She wouldn't lie, but she couldn't tell her that.

"Listen, San it's okay now. I'm fine. I don't do it anymore...I haven't for a long time. I don't have the urge to do so, and a lot of the things that made me hurt myself aren't a problem anymore, okay? So please don't cry, San. _I'm sorry_, beautiful, don't cry." She wiped away the tears that kept coming. Santana was sobbing, and Rachel could see it was affecting her ability to breath.

"No. I'm...I'm sorry. I did this to you, not the other way around, don't apologize, please." Rachel reached under Santana's N7 tee, rubbing her back carefully. Slowly, Santana's breathing came back under control and she wiped her eyes, cuddling into Rachel's side, head on a lightly muscular shoulder.

"Are you alright, San? I don't want you to cry, okay? Everything is fine." Rachel turned her head to kiss her, tasting the salt on her lips.

"I'm sorry, Rach. I didn't want you to feel like you have to take care of me. I should be taking care of you. I know you're still a little more than shaken because of the accident." Rachel frowned, running her hand through Santana's gorgeous hair.

"It's perfectly fine. Tomorrow I'll call my psychiatrist and set up an appointment and maybe we can go get my car and go somewhere."

"Yea? Like where?"

"I was intending to go up to a farmers market in Cleveland tomorrow with my aunt. She bakes pies to sell there during the summer, but she said she came down with something so I figured I'd just go myself. Would you like to accompany me?" Santana nodded, relaxing into strong but soft arms.

"Yea, I want to go. It sounds like it should be fun."

"It usually is. I was going to say we should play battlefield, but I'd rather do something that keeps us in the same room together." Santana nodded, agreeing. It was odd, she thought, being so comfortable in anyone's arms like this. In the not really relationship she'd had with Britt, despite the height difference, she was always the strong one, the protector...always with her arms around Britt if it came to it. She loved being able to let go of that and just relax with Rachel who was just as keen to hold as to be held.

"Okay...um...Killzone 3? I still have borderlands. Or we could watch something. Like a movie, or some tv. Or, and this is what I'm voting for, you just keep holding me, and we take a nap, wake up later and play a few games maybe." Rachel giggled.

"San it's nine thirty."

"I know, it's perfect. wake up in three hours, soy ice cream for midnight munchies, and then we play some games. That's trademark summertime behavior, babe."

"Alright. I agree to this plan of yours." She changed her position slightly, her hand still under Santana's shirt stroking soft skin. Leaning forward, Rachel closed her eyes and pressed her lips against soft fullness, humming in pleasure.

"Mmm, this is also a good plan, baby. I switch my vote." She moaned when Rachel's tongue swept along her pulse point and up to her ear, nibbling on it before letting it slip from between her teeth.

"Me too."

"Girl's?" An hour later, Christian knocked against his daughter's unlocked door, leaning against the frame.

"Come in, papi." When he opened to door and walked inside, both girls were on the bed, Santana held in Rachel's arms with her head on the smaller girl's shoulder. He smiled at them. It made him happy to see his daughter like this. Like herself again.

"The hospital called me in, Santi. Emergency surgery. I'm not sure what time I'll be back. But I'm not on call tomorrow, figured I could finally get to work finishing the last of the basement." Santana shook her head.

"You should _sleep_ tomorrow, papi. You've been on call and working crazy hours for more than a week. I worry about you when you don't rest, daddy. You know that. So just take a break and relax tomorrow. For me, please." he walked across the room settling on the bed and smiling down at his daughter, brushing hair out of her eyes.

"Okay, Santi. Worry not, i'll rest tomorrow. I've got to get going, told them I'd be on my way in twenty minutes. Rachel, Tomar cuidado de tu chica, esta bien?"

"Por supuesto, Mr. Lopez." He grinned.

"It's Christian. You two be good. It's a nice night, maybe turn on the underwater lights and hop in the pool? Just be safe. Make sure you check the doors are locked before you go to bed. Buenos noches." He disappeared out the door, closing it behind him.

"I love your dad. He's so nice. You're alot like him." Santana nodded her head, proud of it. Her father was everything she had and everything she someday wanted to be.

"Well, I love _you_."

"Igualmente, te amo." Santana raised her eyebrow, suddenly overwhelmingly curious about Rachel's apparent knowledge of the spanish language.

"Tu hablas español? Desde Cuando?" Santana was curious. She had been in the same horrible so called spanish classes with shue alongside Rachel ever since freshman year, the man was horrible at it. She often wondered how he'd ever been given the job in the first place. But then again, it was McKinley.

"Una vez que di cuenta de que el Sr. shue no tenía ninguna idea lo que estaba haciendo, lo tomé a mí mismo a tomar clases. And I bought rosetta stone, which works by the way. I also speak hebrew and french. I've been thinking of maybe learning something else. You know they say it's easier the younger you are. Perhaps italian? Or greek, that's an interesting language." Santana grinned at her rambling.

"I speak a little bit of portuguese. Maybe we could take that together?"

"That's a great idea. Do you think we could find a class that teaches portuguese, though? the place I went to only had spanish, french, and italian. Maybe in Cleveland. Or through a reputable source like Babel online."

"Maybe. So, papi was right, it is a pretty nice night. Wanna hop in the pool with me?" Santana stood up and walked towards her dresser, opening her top drawer and pulling out her bikini.

"Yep. Let's get wet!" Santana dropped what was in her hands turning with her mouth wide.

"What? I don't...I thought we were getting in the pool." Rachel raised her eyebrow in confusion.

"What do you mean, we are. That's what I meant. What did you think I meant?"

"I thought you meant like something..._sexual,_ I guess. But I just misunderstood obviously, sorry. Apparently my mind is far dirtier than yours. But don't worry, Rach. I wouldn't like pressure you into something like that! I know you said you were waiting until you're 25, and I have no problem waiting with you." She wanted to shut up, seriously.

"Santana, calm down. I only told Finn that to get him to stop pressuring me. I didn't really mean it. I mean...25? I think I probably won't make it to when I turn eighteen in December. Not when it comes to you, beautiful." She walked closer, slipping her hand into Santana's hair to pull full lips down to her own. The latina felt a lovesick grin take over her lips.

"Sorry. I just didn't want you to think that I would ever consciously or otherwise push you into something you weren't ready for. But hey, why don't you go ahead and get your suit on and meet me downstairs, I've got to turn on the lights and maybe turn on the heat if the water's too cold. We've got towels down there so you don't have to bring one. See you in a few minutes babe." Santana picked up her bikini and walked out the door.

Five minutes later found both girl's in the hot tub instead of the pool, relaxing against each other.

"Hey San, what did you want to do for your birthday? Is there something you and your dad do together every year?" Santana was sort of surprised that Rachel'd remembered that her birthday was in two weeks. She had only mentioned it once during glee when Rachel had asked in sophomore year for whatever reason.

"Yea, daddy takes the day off every year. So we spend the day together. when I turned 16 we went camping. And last year to a baseball game down in Cincinnati. This year he said something about us maybe throwing a party. He said he'd barbecue and we'll do it out here. I told him I didn't want to do it, so we decided last month that we'll go on a trip to Pennsylvania to go white water rafting. He's been before, but I haven't. It should be fun. I love outdoorsy stuff like that."

"As do I. I haven't been white water rafting, But I have been kayaking."

"Would you come with us?" Santana asked, voice hopeful.

" I wouldn't want to intrude, Santana. These trips are for family time between you and your dad right? That's even more important now. By this time next year we'll have graduated and probably be leaving home. Spending as much time with our fathers as we can should be a priority." Santana nodded her head, thinking about it. It would be hard, being separated from her father when she went off to school. She was all he had, she knew that.

"Yea...yea you're right. But honestly babe, I can't help but think that eventually, you will be a part of this family. Like...maybe instead of Rachel Berry, Rachel Berry-Lopez?"

"You think about that too? I'd thought it was just me. I can't help but feel though, like we're skipping the whole process of dating, then girlfriends, then all of this." She swished her hand through the hot water as she leaned back further into Santana's arms.

"Look, babe. We didn't exactly do things the 'traditional' way, sure. That's true. But we don't have to. I have no complaints, and you should know I've been calling you my girlfriend in my head _all day_. And even if we don't take that step tonight, or tomorrow, or the next day, you're still my girl, Rach." Rachel stood up, turning around and settling in the latina's lap.

"And you're mine, right?" The jewish singer planned to ask Santana to officially be her girlfriend after the day long date she had planned in Cleveland.

"You know it, baby."


	4. Chapter 4

"Christian, you really didn't have to do all this for me. I could have had a salad or just some fruit." Rachel looked down at the grill which had been sectioned into two halves. One for Rachel and Santana's grilled falafel slider patties and vegetables and one side for Christians burger.

"Rachel mi nina, it's fine. I wanted to do this for you. Besides, it's tradition. And since mi hija is eating what you are, I figured a salad wouldn't do. That girl's appetite requires more than lettuce or fruit, right? So relax, Rachel. Why don't you go play that game with Santi, she assures me that you're getting better? As if I know what that would even entail." He shook his head and turned back to the grill, putting on the grill his burger then picking up a seperate spatula to do the same to the two falafel patties. Rachel walked back into the house, smiling when she found Santana congratulating her victory with her squad. It seemed they all spoke spanish. She told them she may be back on later then pulled the headset off of her, setting it aside.

"Hey babe, what's up?" Rachel lay down, head in her girlfriends lap.

"Nothing really. I was unsuccessful in convincing your father that he needn't cook for me. Want to help me make guacamole? I like it on top of the falafel burgers."

"Of course, babe. You like it chunky right?" Rachel nodded and sat up to slip off the couch. When Santana stood too, the smaller girl slipped her hands around her waist and hugged her tight, eyes closed.

"I love you, San." her girlfriend looked down at her, running a hand through soft hair.

"Te amo demasiado, Rachel. Sabías que." Rachel nodded, pulling away and walking into the kitchen, putting together on the counter all the ingredients they'd need for the guacamole.

"Baby, what's wrong? You're okay, right?" The singer nodded, stopping to turn around.

"Yes. I'm fine. It's just strange, you know. I have felt this way for so long and it's odd to be able to speak it out loud now. To know you'll look at me and say 'I love you too'. And I know you mean it. All of a sudden one of my dreams has come true. I just never thought it would happen. But now I'm here, and your father _likes_ me and you're my _girlfriend_ and this feels so much better than I ever let myself hope it would." Santana walks closer tilting Rachel's head up and leaning down just a bit to connect their lips. The taller girl tries to communicate all she feels through her lips, teeth, and tongue. There's more she wishes she could say but the perfect words escape her.

"I understand, baby. And I do mean it." Rachel steps away to grab a knife and cut up the onions, tomatoes, avocado and chilies. Santana slides up next to her, chopping cilantro and then a lime in half. Her eyes stray to the left when she puts the knife down a few minutes later and she takes two steps to her left to stand so close behind her girlfriend that there's no room between her front and the shorter girl's back. When the brunette finishes, she pulls the spoon that was folding the guacamole together from between her fingers and sets it down.

Rachel breathed deep before she spoke. "Santana you know you don't have to feel like...I don't need you to take care of me all the time. I know it's been said before that I'm clingy and needy but I know how to let go, I do. Don't feel like us being this way is something you have to do if you don't want to. I've experienced that not everyone loves moments like these as much as I."

Santana sighed. It was so easy to pick out the self doubt in between the shorter girl's words the way she always had. She was still so completely _disgusted_ with the person she had been when it came to not only Rachel but all the other kids she'd squashed down under her white trainers. She had no excuses.

Following Quinn's orders like she was some kind of pawn was not who she really was or who she wanted to be. But she'd been head cheerio, and she'd done exactly the same thing. It made her sick to think about. Things would be changing come September even if she had to refuse Coach Sue's offer to join the newly reforming Cheerios and do it alone.

"Listen. I love the way we seem to need to be next to each other. And If it's what you were thinking, I don't see you as weak, babe. I definitely don't see you as someone who'll fall apart if I'm not right behind you with open arms."

"I just want to be a part of this with you. Supporting you the way you do me, Santana. I suppose that is what I meant. I apologize for being so verbose. I know how annoying it can be." The taller girl spun the other around slowly, wrapping lithe arms around her in a comforting hug.

"Don't apologize for that. The way you talk is a part of who you are. And honestly babe it makes it easier for me to understand what you're feeling. It _helps_." Santana pulled her face up, smiling down at her, gazing into bright brown eyes that broadcasted all the pain Rachel was trying to cover up. The Latina tried her best to open herself up as well. To help her girlfriend see that they were on equal footing.

"Okay. Thank you." Rachel breathed out, not fighting her overwhelming desire to press their two pairs of soft lips together for a chaste kiss.

"Your welcome babe. I want to tell you to stop doubting yourself, because you don't have to with me. But I can't because I still can't believe you want anything to do with me to begin with. I was a _monster_. And such a stupid bitch on top of all of it but you look at me like I deserve any of this with you and I know that I don't. I know that people will say that I don't." Rachel walked towards the couch in the living room, falling on her back and frowning when Santana cuddled in to her chest.

"You do deserve this. You deserve to be happy, despite all the things you said and did. And even if you didn't, I would still love you. I would still be with you, okay. And we'll think about what people will say when we come to it in September. But for now, let's just relax until dinner."

"I'll totally give you kisses if you tell me what you're thinking about." The taller girl whispered. Breathing in slowly with her ear against her girlfriends evenly beating heartbeat.

"I was thinking about my appointment next week. I didn't tell you before, but I stopped seeing Dr. Branham against her advice. She'd said something about the possibility of antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds and I was completely against the idea. I was just burying everything instead of dealing with it, but I didn't want to. So I just stopped going. Dad and Daddy were worried, but I think they understood how hard it is to get me to talk about something I want to ignore." She slid her hand under Santana's shirt, rubbing against the soft skin of her back.

"Do you want me to come with you? Would that make it easier? I talked to my shrink and he said it wouldn't fuck me up or anything. I mean, I have my appointment tomorrow, and people asking me 'how does that make you feel?' isn't my favorite thing, But i'd come with you anyway."

"It would, but no. I know you and Christian need to finish planning the trip and getting all the things you need. Maybe you can come with me after the two of you come back from the trip?"

"You still sure you don't want to come with us? Papi even told me to try and convince you to come. _Please_, babe. You could consider it my birthday gift!" Rachel laughed softly, her hand still rubbing against her girlfriends soft skin.

"I've already procured your birthday gift. It's upstairs. But, okay. I'll go."

"Great, i'll call the tour company after we eat to make the last reservation. They'd been holding it for me just in case." Christian said, walking in from the deck with two trays of food.

"Thank you, Christian." He grinned at her when he'd put the food in the kitchen.

"It's no problem, Rachel. We both want you there." The girls stood from the couch and followed him into the kitchen, sitting down at the island to eat.

"These are really good, daddy, where'd you get the idea?"

"I've been watching vegan cooking shows on YouTube. I thought that if the two of you are eating like this I should learn how to cook it, right?" The girls nodded instead of speaking with their mouths full. When she had swallowed and wiped her mouth, Santana spoke.

"So far I'm not missing any of the things I used to eat. And all of this food is really good. I was thinking that I may take it up full time. Dad I thought maybe you would know what supplements I'd need to take?" Rachel beamed.

"Yea, I'll check it out. Why don't you girls head to the balcony off of your room, Santi. You'll be able to see the fireworks from there."

A few minutes later found both girls laid out on the chaise lounge on the balcony, Santana once again being held in Rachel's arms. They were silent as the first few colorful explosions went off.

"After you fell asleep last night I was laying there next to you, awake. And I was thinking about how much it's gonna suck when your dad's get back and you go back to your house. I mean, you'll only be like six blocks over, but I sleep _so_ much better when you're here, baby I still think about mi mami all the time but I don't...I don't fall apart, you know? I don't end up crying myself to sleep except for the first night you were here. I miss her so much, you know. And sometimes I imagine what she would say to me if she were here, if she could see who I was. How disappointed she'd be."

"Santana, that wasn't who you were, and you're a better person now. She'd be proud to see you make the decision to turn it all around." Santana nodded, chewing on the corner of her bottom lip.

"And I think... you know, what would she say if she'd met you? I know she would have loved you. It just would be so much fucking better to just have her here than to have to imagine her words and her face, her voice." Despite her best attempts, her tears fell into Rachel's white blouse.

All the smaller girl could do was hold her and tell her that it would be okay, that she was there. But it was getting worse, and Rachel could hear how staggered her breaths were.

"Baby, shh, please just breath, okay? Breath for me." She took Santana's hand and pressed it against her chest, breathing more heavily to allow her to follow it. Slowly her breathing came back to normal.

"There you go. You're okay. Come on, let's go to bed, Santana." Quickly, the girls removed all but their underwear and slipped under cool sheets.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall apart like that. I just can't help but feel like it should have been me instead of her. The type of mother she was, the type of person...compared to her I'm such a horrible human being. Why couldn't it have been me?"

"Because it wasn't supposed to be, babe. And you can't blame yourself for surviving that. Right now, let's just...let's sleep, I know you have your appointment tomorrow morning."

"Alright." Santana smiled as much as she could, tears still in her eyes.

"I love you, Santana."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Going on vacation for the next week or so, so my updates may be spotty. Not sure if the beach house has wi fi (it better). will try and update lifelines, the two of us, and maybe more of this fic too. Oh, and so i've decided that I like the idea of Santana's dad looking like Benjamin Bratt.

"I've thought about it, doc. And I think I understand in a way. Have you ever known what it's like to feel like you're invincible without ever actively thinking it? As a little girl, I felt like that. As long as I listened to my parents, didn't talk to strangers, was careful, ate right, used common-sense, buckled my seat belt...etc. Nothing bad would happen to me. It's...difficult to explain the way it feels because it's almost completely subconscious I think. I lived like that until I was eleven years old. But then, the accident happened."

"It was like my innocence had never existed it was gone so fast. I'd been looking through a lens that was removed from my eyes once I woke up in that hospital having _barely fucking survived_ only to hear that my mother had not." Dr. Jae Min Park didn't speak, just listened as Santana almost poetically described the loss of her childhood. She'd talked about quite a lot in the six years she'd been coming to see him. But in all that time, she never spoke of how it felt to have been in the accident. Never of what it was like losing her mother.

"I felt like I'd been thrust into a world where I could easily be hurt by anything all of a sudden. And my father couldn't explain it to me really. He's a good man, and he always has been, but he'd just lost his wife. The only woman he'd ever loved was gone in a flash, and I could see in his eyes that he didn't know how he was expected to even be able to function. He told me a few months ago that it took seeing how broken and confused I was to make him realize that he had to try to pull himself together."

"It took many months before either of us smiled or laughed again. It felt like the life had been sucked away from both of us with her for a while. But I wasn't a child anymore, so I kept living. Nothing seemed important anymore. Stupid school gossip and the way the kids I went to school with led their lives seemed trivial and honestly, wasteful. But I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to fix myself. It's weird, how much her not being here feels like and actual physical, painful, ache. I've been carrying it around with me for almost seven years, and it has yet to fade even a bit."

"If it still hurts so much, Santana, how do you seem so different from back then? You're better in many ways. What has changed if that has not?" She pressed her hand against her chest, clenching her shirt into the fist she formed.

"I learned to accept it. I live with it. But don't...don't be confused. It's not like I ignore it. I just...it's more like being in constant pain." He frowned in concern for her, locking his eyes to the dark dark coffee of her own. She shrugged.

"You told me earlier that you broke down last night, and that Rachel did her best to comfort you. Did it help, and how is she? I recall you saying that she has an appointment to see her own psychiatrist Thursday?" Santana nodded, leaning back into the chair that Jae Min had personally ordered for her. He'd always believed in his patients being as comfortable as possible, and each of them had their own chair.

"Yea, I don't think she knew what to say. She's always been the type of girl who wants to help so much it hurts her. But her relationship with her mother is so fucked that I almost think she was afraid to say that she understood, having essentially lost her mother too, thinking I'd freak out about how different the two situations are. But she helps just by holding me, by being there. Like... with Britt I always felt like I had to be strong even though she knew me so well. To protect her, you know?"

"It isn't like that with Rachel. I can just let go with her and it's okay. I guess our relationship is pretty complicated given the history and the fact that I think we're both so broken. I feel like I don't deserve her, and sometimes she doesn't understand why I'm with her. Which is my fucking fault. But we fit, and I haven't ever really felt the way I feel for her before. It's just...it's different."

"You love her."

"Yes."

"Why don't you think you deserve her? I'm aware of the type of behaviors you have exhibited in school, towards her and others, but you've made many changes in that department, changed yourself for the better. Something which you have made it seem that Rachel sees in you. If she believes you're worth being with, shouldn't you?" He put the note pad away, then picked up his chair, moving it to be right in front of her, just a foot away. All his attention was focused on her.

"Yea, doc but you should hear the things she thinks about herself. She says these things when she's second-guessing herself and all her insecurities show, and it's all things I've heard. Because _I_ said them. _I_ did it to her. _All of it. _She's fucking...she's hurt herself because of the things I've said and done to her! How am I supposed to live with myself knowing I hurt her like that, huh?! How?! You tell me how. _Please_...please tell me how?" The tears were falling again from dark eyes, and she didn't fight them. Jae Min suddenly had his arms full of crying teenager, and he gently rubbed her back.

He supposed some would say it was inappropriate, but he'd been counseling her since she was eleven, and had known her through her mother and father since she was born. He was her godfather, they were family. Calling him doc had been something he'd suggested to help her disconnect their family ties to their appointments. She'd initially found it difficult to talk to him given she'd known him as tio Jae her whole life. When her sobs subsided, Jae Min reached for the tissues, watching her wipe at eyes that had already been red and a little swollen from the night before.

"Listen. Rachel's back in counseling. Let her work on her insecurities, on the root of the problem, and you do your best to help her understand the way you see her. And Santi, if Rachel has forgiven you, it is time to forgive _yourself_, okay? Just let go of that particular weight. You carry far too many." He looked back at the clock he rarely even glanced at during their sessions and then reached into the mini fridge to grab her a bottle of water. It tended to soothe her throat and make her feel better after she'd been crying.

"If you head home now, Santi, you should be able to catch lunch with your girl, okay?" She nodded, hugged him, then walked out of the door silently. He sighed as he sat back down in his chair. He worried for her honestly. She had lived a difficult life for someone so young, and sometimes he was afraid she would just fall apart. With the addition of Rachel things seemed both better and more high stress.

It was glaringly obvious how completely in love his god daughter was, he hoped and wished that she could finally find the happiness she'd lost so long ago.


End file.
